Of all the extensive personal growth work I’ve done in my life, developing the relationship with myself has been by far the most important.
I truly believe that the internal connection we have with ourselves sets the tone for our entire experience of life – and that how we feel about, see, and treat who we are truly can make or break our dreams.
If we don’t master this relationship, then we will be like a cat running up a slide when trying to achieve our goals: we will be running at our fastest without making progress.
We’ll hold back from opportunities, short-cut ourselves at every turn, undermine our own results, tolerate unfulfilling relationships, push away the support we need, or keep our dreams buried under all the ways we think there is something wrong with us.
And so, it is VITAL – for our future, wellbeing, and success – that we master it.
Self-worth, self-love, and self-respect are 3 essential things to nurture in your relationship with yourself, so that your entire life can flourish.
Here’s how you can start to develop each one:
Self-Worth
Self-worth occurs when you can see your true VALUE as a human being.
It occurs when you recognize the gifts and skills you have. You see how valuable you are to yourself, to your loved ones, to your employer, to your clients, and to the world around you. You feel that you have so much to offer people, and that your very PRESENCE matters on the planet.
When your self-worth is intact, you won’t question whether your life has significance and meaning in the grand scheme of it all – you will KNOW.
You will know on the deepest level that you were born for an important reason. Because of this, you will believe that life is supporting you to fulfil your destiny; to share those gifts with the people who need them most.
With self-worth, you will feel that your entire life is an amazing journey unfolding – and you will experience the many rewards that the world has in waiting for you.
To develop your self-worth:
- Identify the greatest gift that you can share with humanity. What is your ONE purpose that matters so greatly on the planet?
- Write a list of all the people’s whose lives you have changed or impacted. Write as many as you can until you can no longer deny your worth.
- List out the skills, talents, knowledge, and wisdom that you have. What value do you have buried inside you that perhaps you aren’t acknowledging?
Self-Love
Self-love occurs when you see ALL parts of who you are and you feel love for yourself – and not despite these parts, but BECAUSE of them.
If you continually judge yourself, believing that you or your past actions should be some other way, then your life will be a struggle.
You might feel as though nothing goes your way – when really, it’s YOU who is standing in your way. You might feel that the world is attacking you – when really, it’s YOU who is attacking you. And you might feel that the people you love, don’t love you the same way – when really, it’s YOU who isn’t loving you.
But when you find DEEP and UNCONDITIONAL love for who you are – and all that made you who you are today – your entire life will transform.
Self-love provides you with a spiritual ‘insulation’ and resilience. It helps you to filter out the noise, let go of drama that drains you, put yourself first, and pick yourself back up after a fall. It will heal you from the inside-out and give you a confidence you never knew possible.
With self-love, your desire to invest in yourself increases – and so does your courage to pursue your purpose. It gives you the feeling that you wouldn’t want to be anyone else but YOU. Self-love is the desire to give yourself the absolute best – and the willingness to follow through on that commitment until the very end.
NOTE: Self-love will also attract deeply meaningful relationships into your life.
To develop your self-love:
- Write down the top 10 qualities that you love most about who you are.
- Bring your greatest “mistake” to mind. Write down all the ways it helped you and others until your heart opens and you feel grateful (there are no mistakes).
- What gifts do you bring into the lives of those people around you (that love you)? See yourself through their eyes.
Self-Respect
I have long been familiar with the notions of self-worth and self-love. However, self-respect is a concept that I have recently come to appreciate and value GREATLY.
Self-respect happens when you see yourself objectively for a moment and experience the humbling realization of how truly extraordinary you are – because of what you do and have done.
What damages your self-respect? Becoming too dependent on other people without empowering yourself, shying away from challenges you KNOW will grow you, ignoring your financial future, pushing your purpose to the bottom of the pile, letting your emotions get the better of you – the list goes on.
But when we step courageously into the leadership role in our life, the game changes completely.
When self-respect is present, personal power emerges. The courage to speak up emerges. The willingness to fight – for yourself and your dream – emerges. The willpower to make significant life changes – emerges. The urge to do what you know is right for you emerges.
In your self-respect, you won’t tolerate less than what you LOVE. Instead, you will become more determined than ever to make your life what you know it can be.
To develop your self-respect:
- Imagine if you met YOU. What would impress you about who you are? Wouldn’t you think you are extraordinary?
- Write a list of everything you have achieved, done, or learned about in your life.
- What adversities or challenges have you overcome in your life?
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The worth, love, and respect you feel for yourself are intrinsically linked. When you work on one, you automatically impact the others.
If you stay committed to expanding all 3, your life WILL change before your eyes, and it will just a matter of time before you are thriving.
So, start with the foundation – YOU – and build from there… because great things can’t happen for you if you aren’t on your side.
